


Love like ours is never fixed

by Shadowcrawler



Category: Dollhouse
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Devotion, Drabble Collection, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Guilt, In Public, Love/Hate, Partner Betrayal, Possessive Behavior, Texting, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 05:55:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/694916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcrawler/pseuds/Shadowcrawler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twenty drabbles, based on themes of light/dark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reward

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw kinda_gay's Light/Dark Drabble Table that was posted in May 2012, and thought I'd give it a go since there isn't nearly enough fic about these two. I wrote them over the course of about a month and a half, and then promptly forgot about them. When I unearthed them from the depths of my computer, I discovered most of them were pretty decent and decided to share. 
> 
> I've arranged them roughly in chronological order, which means unfortunately some of the later ones are both slightly redundant and quite depressing. I hope the fluffier ones make it worth your while, anyway.

“ _Please_ , Benny. Wear it. For me?”

Bennett rolled her eyes as she watched Caroline’s lips form what she thought of as the kicked puppy pout (though she’d die before she told Caroline about the name). “Caroline, I can’t pull a miniskirt off like you can. I’m not…confident enough.”

“What would make you confident enough?” asked Caroline, her tone suddenly teasing. “Positive reinforcement? I can go get some chocolate if it’ll help to persuade you…”

“I’m not a lab rat, Caroline.”

The other girl laughed. “Nah, you’re much cuter.” As Caroline laughed again, Bennett flushed with embarrassment – but she also smiled.


	2. Enemy

When Caroline first began to investigate Bennett Halverson, she should’ve thought of her as a pawn of Rossum. After all, Rossum was taking a special interest in her, and the friend of my enemy is my…enemy? Or however that saying went. Ideally, Caroline would have kept herself emotionally uninvolved, just done her work and got out. 

But Benny was so brilliant and interesting and, well, _cute_. After a while, Caroline found that her life with Bennett at TIT was becoming less and less a roleplay and closer to her reality…and she wasn’t sure she minded that so much.


	3. Benevolent

Caroline thought Bennett was adorable just the way she was, but…there was no denying her general “look” could use some improving. At first it was just subtle, little hints: increasing physical affection when Bennett shyly asked if she could borrow some of Caroline’s tops and skirts, suggesting she give Bennett some makeup tips sometime. Dying her hair came later, once Caroline was sure Bennett wouldn’t flee at the mere suggestion. Like she explained to Bennett while gently massaging the dye into her scalp, she was still herself; Caroline was just helping her become who she was supposed to be.


	4. Angel

_Did it hurt when u fell from heaven?_

_What? Why are you texting me, Caroline?_

_Bored. txting u cheeZ pick-up lines cuz I don’t have anything else 2 do_

_I don’t understand._

_do u believe in love @ first sight or shud I walk by again?_

_You are ridiculous._

_Do u have a map? I keep gettin lost in ur eyes…_

_Don’t you have a sociology essay you should be working on?_

_that’s no fun. Ur legs must b tired cuz u’ve been runnin through my mind all night_

_I don’t understand you at all, Caroline._

_But u love me! ;)  
_


	5. Repulsion

If there was one thing Caroline hated, it was injustice. That was why she was doing this whole thing, right? To stop Rossum from doing those inhumane experiments? That was the goal, that was why she was here.

But it was getting harder and harder to stay focused. Bennett was…well, she was responding all too well to Caroline’s manipulations. Sometimes Bennett looked at her with such trust and love that it broke her heart. She couldn’t quite figure out if she hated herself because of guilt, or because, more than anything, she wanted all of it to be real.


	6. Love

Caroline first said it while they were cuddled together in her bed and Bennett was trying to explain a theory she’d been working on regarding mind-body dualism. After taking a good five minutes to lay out her main points, she tilted her head back and asked, “Does that make sense?”

“I love you,” replied Caroline, smiling warmly.

Surprised, Bennett blinked at her for a moment before responding “That’s not an answer, Caroline” as if trying to get the conversation back on track.

“Yes it is.” Bennett found it hard to argue after Caroline had covered her mouth with her own.


	7. Desire

Their first time came after a social event sponsored by Rossum to which Bennett wore a cocktail dress that Caroline picked out for her, insisting it would do wonders for networking. It did; unfortunately, Bennett was less than comfortable with the attention. And not just from the men...Caroline was hardly subtle in her ogling. 

Sure enough, they’d hardly gotten back to their room before Caroline had her hands all over Bennett. But rather than be intimidated by the attention, Bennett discovered that being wanted this way was rather…exciting. After all, Caroline didn’t just want her - she loved her too.


	8. Evil

It wasn’t as if Caroline had never been in a relationship before. With both men and women, so it wasn’t as if that’s what made Bennett different from anyone else she’d been with. After thinking it over for a while, she came to a conclusion: Bennett was innocent in a way that none of her previous lovers had been. Caroline was the first person in her life to show her special attention, and Bennett responded by being incredibly, insanely devoted. And, Caroline decided, she liked that response. Did that make her a bad person? Probably, but did it matter, really?


	9. Lover

Caroline’s hands ghosted down Bennett’s sides as she gently nipped at her neck, leaving twin trails of heat coursing through her body. Moaning, Bennett tossed her neck back to allow Caroline better access and gasped, “Caroline, please—”

“Please what?” murmured Caroline, her voice husky as she reached up to gently twist one of Bennett’s nipples.

“I need you…” The request was cut off by another gasp as Caroline’s mouth traveled farther down her body. 

“What do you need? Tell me, baby.” Caroline’s voice was low, insistent, sexy.

“In-Inside me.”

Caroline grinned at her, eyes blazing. “Your wish is my command.”


	10. Light

Caroline’s favorite mornings were on the days neither of them had any classes, and didn’t have to be up at a particular time, and she could wake up with Bennett snuggled next to her (still asleep, on the best of these mornings) and just watch the room around them gradually fill with sunlight as Bennett slept on, the shadows making patterns on her sweet face. These were the mornings that Caroline wanted to keep forever, to cherish even when all this came to an end. Because it would eventually, she knew. There were no happy endings for people like her.


	11. Possession

Intellectually, Bennett knew that thinking of a relationship in terms of one person owning another was horribly codependent, but whenever Caroline referred to her as “my girlfriend” or some similar title, she still felt tingly and happy inside. Sometimes after sex, or when they were just cuddled up in bed together, Caroline would lean down, press a gentle kiss to Bennett’s forehead, and whisper “Mine.” In that moment, nothing else mattered, because she was Caroline’s and she always would be, no matter what happened. That knowledge made Bennett feel more secure and whole than she had ever felt before.


	12. Pleasure

One of Caroline’s favorite games was to see how much Bennett would let her get away with in public. Usually she restrained herself to situations where they weren’t likely to be caught (movie theaters, for instance, or a Rossum dinner party where the man seated next to them discreetly passed out after his fifth glass of wine), which was the only reason Bennett didn’t protest. That, and Caroline was _really_ good at it. Every time she reached over and began working those talented fingers within her, Bennett had to fight to keep her breathing steady and not moan out loud.


	13. Selfish

“You didn’t have to hit him, you know.”

“Mmh, prob’ly not,” slurred Caroline, resting her head on Bennett’s neck as the smaller girl helped her over to the bed and sat her down. “But he was pissin’ me off. He was gettin’ all…fresh with you. I didn’t like that.”

“He wasn’t a threat. I was handling it.” Her tone was chiding, but Bennett couldn’t help smiling as Caroline nuzzled her sleepily.

“Sorry,” she murmured. “I jus’ don’t like anyone else messin’ with you. You’re mine, an’ I don’ like sharing.” 

“I know.” 

Cuddlling closer to her girlfriend, Caroline slept.


	14. Partner

They went over the Rossum plan probably a thousand times together, ensuring that nothing could possibly go wrong. Everything was foolproof. 

As Bennett readied herself for sleep, nestling into her normal place next to Caroline, she reflected on how their relationship had changed in the last few days. Or not really, though she supposed it ought to have changed. Now they were co-conspirators, a pair of lawbreakers with a mission to carry out. There was no chance of failure…but still, Bennett decided, she would die for Caroline if it came down to it. It seemed like the best option.


	15. Pain

Bennett learned a valuable lesson when she finally emerged from the fog of medication the hospital had her in: physical pain was tolerable, it could be controlled, there were ways to manage it. That wasn’t true with the ever-present ache in her chest. For days, she barely ate or moved, preferring to stare off into space recalling every moment spent with Caroline. And at the end of it, she took away this: whether or not Caroline had really loved her, she had left. She was gone. And Bennett’s only concern now was to make Caroline feel what she had felt.


	16. Demon

The worst part about those first few nights alone was that little voice in her head that wouldn’t leave, that kept chanting _see it was all a lie she never really loved you no one could ever love you stupid girl why would you be so stupid_

and after jolting awake three times in one night, tears staining her cheeks, Bennett resolved to do whatever was needed to make the voice go away. If that meant closing the door on the last few months of her life and focusing only on her work at Rossum… well then, so be it.


	17. Dark

It wasn’t that Bennett _enjoyed_ treating the Dolls as less than human; no, she got no real pleasure out of that. As far as she was concerned, that was just how it worked. These people were weak in some way, and that had led to them coming here, being constantly made and unmade by Bennett herself, and who was she to say that was wrong?

If she let herself think about it, she might wonder if this callous part of herself had always been there, lurking beneath the shy exterior, before Caroline. But she didn’t, often. It seemed rather pointless.


	18. Punish

Sometimes, when thoughts ran wild and unfettered through her head and it was harder to keep control of herself, she found herself slipping into memories. How it felt to wake up next to a beautiful girl who loved her, how it felt to have her hair brushed, her body caressed and adored, by that girl. Her voice, low, breathy, tender, as she whispered things that made Bennett blush to think of, even now. Her eyes, soft and warm as she gazed at Bennett lovingly.

These nights, when her mind turned against her and forced her to remember, were the worst.


	19. Hate

Bennett took pride in maintaining tight control over her emotions by that point in her life, especially while she was working – so seeing Caroline walking around the Dollhouse, wearing casual clothing and a vague smile on her beautiful face, shook her far more than she was willing to admit. 

She managed to restrain her physical reaction to setting her jaw and baring her teeth (like a cornered dog) but she knew that Topher had probably noticed. How could he not? Anything regarding Caroline was enough to leave her emotionally naked once; that was something that obviously hadn’t faded with time.


	20. Good

Eventually, Bennett managed to stifle most of the tiny part of herself that was holding onto a shred of hope: hope that Caroline would return to rescue her and take her in her arms and tell her she loved her, hope that all this had been some terrible nightmare…

She tried to make herself see sense. Convinced herself that the only thing that mattered now was to make Caroline pay for what she had done to her. Yet…somewhere within her she held onto that fantasy, where Caroline was still her white knight and she would come back for her.


End file.
